I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
