i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
