that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
