after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize