No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
