Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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