omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
