she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
