I need help removing her.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
