I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
