"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
