well you can't waste a boner
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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