So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
