eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
