I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
