So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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