Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
