As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
