I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
