All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
