I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
