don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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