I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
