I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
