Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
