There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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