just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
