He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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