i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
