she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
