I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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