just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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