Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
