Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
