I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
