What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
