I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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