Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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