I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
