he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
