All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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