i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
barbara walters just said penis...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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