xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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