I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
