I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
