oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
