this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Green mimosas i think yes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
