I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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