my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
