Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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