I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
