you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
