dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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