i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
