You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
