My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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